3/01/2005

Winners of the "Name Ann Coulter's New Book!" Contest

Sponsored by CampusProgress.org:
CampusProgress.org is proud to announce the winner of our “Name Ann Coulter’s Next Book” contest.
In the spirit of Coulter’s previous masterpieces such as Slander: Liberal Lies About the American Right and Treason: Liberal Treachery from the Cold War to the War on Terrorism, CampusProgress.org turned to its community of young people to craft the title for her next work of fiction.
The rules for the contest were simple: The book title had to be the same format as Coulter’s books—a single word, followed by an explanatory subtitle.
While the entires were all creative—truly as unique and delicate as Ms. Coulter herself—there could be only one winner. And that distinctive honor goes to 26-year-old UNC graduate Ryan Sniatecki of Baltimore, Maryland, for his suggestion:

“Roosevelt: Wheelchair-riding, America-hating terrorist”

For his efforts, Ryan will receive the grand prize—his very own talking Ann Coulter Action Figure. Everyone here at Campus Progress expresses their utmost gratitude to Ryan, not only for participating but for the fact that the doll scares the hell out of us and we’re anxious to get the thing out of our office.
In addition, our webmaster, August, will be reaching out to Ms. Coulter’s editors with the winning entry and the honorable mentions listed below offering them all as possible future book titles. Any response from Coulter or her editor, cease-and-desist letters included, will be posted here.

Here’s a selection of some of the best runners-up:

Pander: How character assassination and name-calling will make you popular and rich
Witchhunt: I Saw Liberals Speaking With The Devil!
Democracy: The Liberal Plot to Feed Your Children to the Poor
Liberals: Liberals, Liberals, Liberals, Liberals, Joe McCarthy
Damn: I can’t believe I get away with this!
Liars: “Charity,” “Tolerance,” and Seven Other Words Liberals Just Made Up to Confuse You
Help: I’m Out Of Liberal People, Places And Organizations To Hate
Crazy: Why My Divorce from Reality Should be Declared an Annulment and my Obvious Loss of my Marbles Should be Overlooked Because of my Extreme Hot Blonde Sexiness as Portrayed in the Many Posed Photos of Me on my Website, Even Though All You Have to Do is Look Into My Eyes To Hear the Whistling Sucking Void Where my Soul Presumably Once Was
Truth: lalalalala, I’m not listening!
Attack: Fly, my monkeys, fly!
Ann: Doesn’t Eat, Shoots, and Never Leaves

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